today
i am brave
enough to face
your lack of place
in my existance:
don't tease me again
with your
almost
hellos!
i am
hollow
and sad
but tired
of trying
to imagine
some other
alternative
way
to view
my loneliness
when it is thus!
my stories
are habits
from solitare mornings
tangle-haired
kid growing up
in no neighborhood
then, i was focused
on visions of better homes
bareley gracing the present
with my presence
never percieving much
of Love besides intoxicants
rape scenarios and wishes
battered child
daydream child
so alone
for so long
and i thought,
how sadand
for once i let it be that, and then
it was clear how little has changed
when my truest Love
and my energies go out
to a return-to-sender address
a one-way message
machine

i quit!
do you hear that, universe?
this must stop now!
i quit! i quit!
take my dreams from me
please
and replace them anew
for i'm finished
with this kind of
Loving which
essentially
is nothing
but nothing
after all--
i bid adieu to my
nameless
faceless
Yous on the horizon--
goodbye to my wishes and daydreams--
my standards have changed
and i'm through
wanting
the ungiving
You
i am brave enough now
to see sadness
and accept
the truth