Prayer Upon Waking...

Child,
You think I left you
Just like so many drifters
Floating fleetingly
Through your tipsy
Troubled trailer
Street-rat world...
Yet I dreamed last night
Of holding you
Safe and sacred
In my arms
While you wept tears of fear
For you mutilated mama
Bleeding and blunted
In the stairwell...

Child,
How I wished
To shield your eyes
Yet you know much more than me--
I wish to ease your struggle, but I
Have breached her trust
On your behalf, with only
Sincerest interest at heart--
For her, for you
And I have tried to reconcile
But her hatred
Permeates
My waking hours and sleep...
I empathize...

Child,
I hide inside
The purple polka-dot house
That you built for me from crayon
And pastel paper
Whispering prayers
For your stability...
Telling you Your Mama Loves You
While your eyes leaked and your being shook--
A moment of anonyminity
In my loose arms...
You spoke cautiously from the Heart...
Why Isn't My Love Enough to Make Her Well?
So hard
For the Parenticised child to understand
The complexities
Of a suffering grown-up's world...

Child--You
Are the beauty and light
Of her life! Do
You ever feel your value?
You are the sun...
All of Earth and Heaven love you
As do I, despite
Reaching you only in dreams...
I am sorry that I failed you
And hope that I have not...

As you both know so well
Your home is with your mama
So long as she is standing
And I pray for her--
Indeed, I do--
For even
Without roof, without walls
You need no one more--

Child,
From 2000 miles
I seek to block the wind and rain
For both Woman and Girl
Just as you asked...
With wishes
And friendly gentle kisses
Blown on westward wind--
That your world might change
By way of bricks or magick--
And that
You might never need
This space I hold for you in my Heart--
Home here with me--
Most tragic
Least hoped for
Last resort...