Sadly Accurate Horoscope in Today's Paper

Horoscope*Wednesday, January 18th, 2006*Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)

A romantic interest may not be what he or she appears to be now. You might not even realize that when others put up subtle resistances, you in turn tend to compensate with inappropriate optimism. Don't be too quick to think you can fix everything. Instead, slow down and do some soul-searching. You have more time to find happiness and/or love than you realize.

You tend to compensate with inappropriate optimism. Ha. That is an understatement! "Inappropriate optimism" undoubtedly accounts for some seventy-five percent of my past romantic relationships. Fantasies are sooo much more accessible to me than actual human encounters...yet from my 'tween years, I've always been realistic about my desires: Rule No. 1, no crushes on movie stars/pop music stars/icons on any sort. Statistically impossible.
Rule No. 2, find the guy that no one else notices. Odds are better in my favor.
...And so on.

As a result I developed far-fetched fantasies about characters in my immediate present: classmates, teachers, camp counselors, etc. My fantasies, of course, were fabrications loosely attached to the names and faces of my day to day. Thus a "hello" from little Abe Winnowski, which to him was over after he passed into the courtyard and ran to the kickball field, became entwined for me in the context of an imagined dialogue happening between to lovers, to whatever extent I could imagine what "lovers" did. And the rose-colored cheeks that Mr. Lemaire attributed to sunburned Irish skin were the flush of desire in a heart-racing girl.

So it was for a long time...that I went on feeling things deeply, while the men I projected it onto never seemed to perceive it. But as they grew, their intuitions did, too. I went on fantasizing, and it began to show more and more. Somehow, as if sleepwalking, I remained unaware that my actions were on display... And the awkwardness truly began...

Now, as a woman, I am not much different than my peers when it comes to lovers and fantasies. But when we talk to each other about the way a man Ran from our efforts in Love at the end of some relationship turned sour, I'm the only one who can literally remember the sight of my beloved's back, as I stood on the soccer field of one childhood crush, when he saw me on the sidelines, and sprinted full speed towards the locker room opposite me, because I simply couldn't take the hint and let him go....